She's Apples

I generally assume people expect me to be honest, open, and just a little bit out there, but I'm starting to wonder if that really is the case. Perhaps I've spent so long trying to be everything to everyone that I've become a bit of a nothing. Just another friendly face. No outstanding features, no real substance, just another sugar-coating, self-censoring someone who happens to fall within the definition of friend.

I don't like that. I don't like that one bit.

I used to be so shrewd with people. If they didn't like me, or I didn't like them, I just moved on. Case closed, it was just too much energy wasted, and that was not in plentiful supply. These days, with more energy to burn, I seem to be bending over backwards trying to keep the peace with people. Like them or not, for some reason I don't want to step on anyone's toes. I'm holding back. I'm censoring myself. I'm mirroring behaviours that I find utterly distasteful just so I can fit in.

I am rather peeved that this is what I've become.

Over it.

Annoyed with myself.

Trying a new tack.